Life just sucks

I don't like myself when I furiously and illogical. I know nobody like to do like this, including me.
I can't control myself, the only thing that can pulled me back is conscious. During this time I found many disadvantages of myself. It scared me.

I can't speak to anyone because fear the word will come back to hurt myself.
I don't have enough time to do anything other than work.
I have a private world.